Thursday, 24 August 2017
The flip side.
So in my last blog I wrote about the Great Grief Wave as well as the general sadness and hurt that accompanies me during this time.
But there is a flip side.
There is a positive aspect(why do I feel guilty even writing that!) that comes from experiencing such loss.
Life is short, we all know this but we also imagine death is a long way off, of course we do, it helps with our sanity!
If I asked you to write down 5 things you would like to do in the next 6 months what would they be? Now if you were told you only had 6 months to live what 5 things would you like to do?
I suspect the answers are very different?
Understandably your perspective changes temporarily. Here's the thing, when something life changing occurs your perspective changes not just for a moment but forever and I don't think that is a negative shift.
Why does a tragic event need to occur to realise that everyday must be precious, that life must be lived in the moment?
Katie would want me to fulfil all of my dreams, to live, truly live. We unfortunately had to have such discussions so I know in some detail the things she would like me to do, that she thought would make me richer(spiritually) and wiser(she was a dreamer) and I intend to do them all.
Some of those things are private and will remain that way. Some of these things she didn't tell me to do specifically but I know her so intimately that I can hear her even now telling me what to do, like this blog, she fucking loves this blog, trust me.
I found a list on her phone a couple of months ago. It was a bucket list of things she wanted to do with me, it was written before she was diagnosed, before she even had a cough. We managed to achieve quite a few things on that list without me knowing. Some on the list we had discussed and a couple of them we had more than one discussion about. One of those is India and I intend to travel there soon enough. I will write a lot more about this another time.
On a day to day level though it's pretty simple stuff that is just more difficult to put into practice. Don't sweat the small stuff, be kind, be patient, be present, love, allow yourself to be loved, hug, kiss, laugh, cry and most importantly just breathe...
Love and hugs to you all
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