Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Confession

Welcome and thank you for coming to read my blog. My first confession is I have no idea what I'm doing, some idea of why and an only an inkling of which direction to head in.

I have never been one to post the things that are personal to me on Facebook or social media in general, the odd stupid joke,sure, the promotion of my wife's blog and other causes I found worthy, certainly but when it came to my personal thoughts and feelings they remained just that, personal.

I now find myself however in a unique position. I am alone in the world. good family and great friends surround me. My two dogs Lola and Bella are ever present and a great comfort but my soul mate and best friend is not. I have joined an online support group called WAY-widowed and young- a crude title that reminds me sometimes too harshly of my standing but it is Ronseal- It does exactly what it says on the tin! It connects people in similar positions to myself and helps to give me some identification to those who feel isolated.

Being in this unique position also leaves me privileged with a knowledge I never wished to have. The understanding of grief, of heartache, of a sadness that resides so deep within me I feel it in my bones and my soul. I am not who I was, I have been changed forever, that is my second confession but what do I do about it? How do I move forward to a future of hope and happiness without forgetting my past? How do I learn to face life on life's terms without feeling like I am merely enduring it? Well, that is what I intend to find out and I hope by sharing it with you that perhaps you may find something here too in whatever capacity you may need it.

My third confession is I am very funny, though that's more of a boast! I hope I can bring a little bit of humour(albeit dark at times) along the way. There is no doubt that finding moments to laugh even in the most dire circumstances can remind us in the simplest of terms that life continues.

Over the next few weeks/months I hope to write regularly and explain in greater detail my journey through all of the above. I hope it gives me what I need and does so for you too.

I hope to see you again

Daniel



24 comments:

  1. Don't be afraid to write here in the comments!! Just to say Hello or add something you believe to be of value, anything!! xx

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  2. Dear Daniel,

    I think that what you have decided to do in creating this blog is incredibly brave, putting your innermost thoughts and feelings 'out there' when it is not something that comes naturally must've been extremely difficult and my hope for you is that this blog will give you an outlet that is cathartic and supportive whilst you go through the grieving process.
    23 months ago my sister passed away suddenly aged 'forever34' and what I wish to offer you is comfort, hope and straight talking. No 'head tilts' or awkward avoidance, two things that I found the most difficult to bear in the first year. It's good to talk about your wife, feel her presence, remember her.......some days it was all I wanted to do to keep my sister alive in my mind, other days I needed relief and time out from it all. Only you can know which feels right for you on a day to day basis and those closest to you can only be guided by you. I found honesty and being clear about my headspace enabled my support network to know how to be around me as each day unfolded. This is about you now finding a new normal, a way to move forwards with your life whilst coming to terms with the intense sense of pain and loss. I wish you luck with this journey.....sending you much light, strength and support. I hope to read your next blog very soon....
    Ali x

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    1. Hi Ali, thank you for your thoughts and your insight. I am so sorry for your loss. I intend to write at some point about the head tilts and the protruding bottom lips! Hope to see you hear again soon. Xxx

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  3. That made me cry. I am so happy to see this blog. You are very funny, this is true. You also write as honestly as Katie! She will love this. You are also very brave, this is something you forgot to mention.

    I want to see more of this; how do I sign up to receive updates?

    Lots of love from me & Bart xxx

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    1. Hey lovely, thanks for your comments. Katie will be so happy about this, I agree! You can subscribe by putting your email address where indicated near the top of the page. That way it will inform you when I write next rather than checking multiple times a day in hungry anticipation of the nest episode!! Love to you both xx

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  4. Lou, I think you have to do what I said on the web version! Xx

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  5. I can hear a Katie in this. Her brutal honesty and positive outlook come through. You are a very wonderful man for allowing the world into your sole. I look forward to reading more as I did Katie's blog. Thank you xx

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    1. Thank you Kate, I hope I can do half the job she did!! Xx

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  6. Dan

    Looking forward to listening. Admire your bravery and honesty and well done for starting
    this journey

    DAniel Barbanel

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    1. Thanks Dan. Appreciate it. Hope your well.

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  7. Hi Dan
    Great to see this.
    I've followed your journey from afar and just wanted you to know how much I admire you're courage and strength.
    Keep doing what you're doing.
    I look forward to reading your blogs.

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    1. Thank you Paul. Great to hear from you.

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  8. Well done Daniel because this is a big commitment in what are still very early days for you but I know having read many blogs early on that they are priceless. They allow you to grieve in your own way and time. They allowed me to reach out to people within the comfort of my own home without having to put the "mask" on and actually go outside!
    Good luck and I'm truly sorry that you are having to even think about doing this. Humour is a great quality xx

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    1. Thanks for your comments Laura. Always nice to hear others points of view xx

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  9. Delyth Williams Blythe3 August 2017 at 15:28

    Hi Daniel, you don't know me but I went to uni with Katie and lived with her and Laura. Truthfully we had our ups and downs and I hadn't seen her for years but her fierceness and bravery is present in your words. So very sorry for your loss x

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    1. Thank you delyth, I really appreciate you reaching out and commenting xx

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  10. Love it! Brave man and courageous move. thank goodness for humour!! I have no words of wisdom nor advice, just be you and come knocking soon please xxx

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    1. For those wondering, Tara is my neighbour and has a partner!! Thanks Tara, will see you soon! Xx

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  11. Hi Daniel stay strong I lost my husband at the age of 36 and I was left 4 months pregnant with 2 children under 2 it came as a total shock and still 2 years later I'm trying to keep my head above the water. The memories for me brought a sense of happiness but also sadness knowing I would not be able to make any more with my gorgeous husband. Stay strong.

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss Robina. Stay strong too. Xx

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  12. Hi Daniel
    Such bravery shown by both you and your beautiful Katie. Your humour always gives me a smile. Katie will be smiling too I am sure. When you speak about your loneliness being in the WAY club reminds me of Katie speaking about being at one of her first support groups and the lonliness she felt being the only young lung cancer suffer. I think of her often usually with tears in my eyes and fond memories in my heart. Keep up the blogging and thank you Beany xx

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    1. Beaney!! Had no idea your name was Fabrina!! We wondering who new is so well!! Much love, hope your well xx

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  13. Hi Daniel
    Such bravery shown by both you and your beautiful Katie. Your humour always gives me a smile. Katie will be smiling too I am sure. When you speak about your loneliness being in the WAY club reminds me of Katie speaking about being at one of her first support groups and the lonliness she felt being the only young lung cancer suffer. I think of her often usually with tears in my eyes and fond memories in my heart. Keep up the blogging and thank you Beany xx

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  14. Hi Daniel

    I worked with Katie in HertSpeak or should I say she taught me well! Through that job she opened my eyes to becoming a good practitioner and gave me the opportunity to meet life long friends (Kate Guerreiro being one of them). I am forever thankful. I followed Katie's blogs which are so touching, so inspiring and so vulnerably open. I can hear her reading the words she wrote. Katie touched the hearts of many people it sounds so cliche but she was and still is an absolutely amazing person. Still doing such heart warming strong things in this world.
    I am so sorry for your loss and sorry to this world for such a great loss. I will follow your blogs also from a far and wish you all the support possible. There are no words for something so sad but memories of Katie and her strength will be key to you.
    Take Care
    Courtney x

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